by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
