Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
