do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
