Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize