u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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