About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
