Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
