i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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