The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
