Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
