You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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