your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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