He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
