i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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