Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
