im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
