Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
