This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The police scanner is talking about you again....
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize