Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
