Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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