And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize