I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
