I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
