This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
