The maid of honor just puked.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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