I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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