ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
