these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
