Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize