literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
