sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I pour the whiskey from now on
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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