I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
