Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
