I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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