her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
