im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize