During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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