i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
