I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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