If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
