Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
