Just cropdusted the office
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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