Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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