And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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