i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We need to get me chipped asap
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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