You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
