Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
