i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
