So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
