Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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