So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
