Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
