Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
