You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
