using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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