White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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