I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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