When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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