Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
