Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize