I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
