"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
