I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
