I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
