I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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