he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
