Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
we have officially lost it.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
