i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
