i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
