3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
