I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize