he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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