she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
