i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
