I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
