I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize