You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
