I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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