I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
