I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
