Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
