I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
