She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
