So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
