life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
