It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
This baby is an asshole
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Randomize
