I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
