so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
