So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Randomize
