id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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