Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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