i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
