We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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