all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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