shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
