i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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