Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
