I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
