I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My Sexting was not on an AP level
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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