Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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