There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
