i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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